There is so much that I want to do and all of it requires time: managing the business, writing, finding and meeting people who are working on interesting projects, tasting wines, seeing live music.
Often, the time that I have allotted for these activities is hijacked by the needs of my children. My three year old daughter wants to play with her dolls. My five month old son needs to be held or wants to explore the living room by scooting along on his back. When they need me, they get me. Whatever project or activity I might have planned gets pushed aside as I get on all fours and enter their world.
I find sometimes that I resent the supplication of my own needs for theirs. How can I possibly accomplish all that I want to when I am at the beck and call of two unpredictable radicals who have no understanding of their Daddy’s ambitions?
The resentment is always followed by shame. How can I be jealous of my own children?
I’ve learned that the only way to reconcile these feelings with my greatest desire, the ambition to be a great father, is to remember that the window of childhood is short. My daughter is not always going to think that playing dollhouse with her father is the best thing in the world. Before I can even really appreciate that he is scooting, my son will be crawling and walking.
It is cliché, perhaps, but you have to be mindful that the time is short and you have to appreciate the joy inherent in parenting. There may be more productive ways to spend a Saturday morning than sitting on the floor of your living room, surrounded by miniature furniture, watching a twenty pound dynamo propel himself with his newly discovered legs and listening to the fictional exploits of the family that lives in the bright pink four story Fisher Price doll house. But there is no more rewarding way to utilize your time than experiencing the transient pleasures of parenthood.
Time will continue to present challenges as I look to fully realize all of my potential but I must continue to immerse myself in the experience because it is not going to last.